We talked a few days before she passed, the last time that she was able to speak. I knew something was different. She didn’t greet me with her usual, “Hey, baby! What’s happening?” She was already leaving this life behind.
One Of A Kind
My mother was a force of nature. She was smart, witty, creative, vibrant, and always the life of the party. The photo above was taken at a costume party sometime in the 50s, and it perfectly captures my mom’s fun-loving spirit. I’m not surprised that she chose New Year’s Day to make her exit.
Mom was not only our leader at home, she was our Sunday School teacher, our homeroom mother, our Brownie and Girl Scout troop leader. There was no getting away with anything. Not that my sister and I ever really tried to get away with anything. “I have eyes in the back of my head,” Mom told us. We believed her.
At Yellowstone on a cross-country camping trip. My mom and sister had cool sunglasses. My mom had jet black hair and never colored it.
Life With The Queen
Mom was strict and had high expectations. Life in our household was pretty much according to Mom’s Rule Book That Encompassed Everything. “I am the Queen,” she told us. She would grin, but we knew she was serious. And she had no qualms about doing whatever she deemed necessary to make us obey.
For example, my sister and I were never allowed to squabble or to say ‘bad words.’ Should we even say something like “Shut up!” to one another, we had Tabasco sauce put on our tongues. In much later years, as dementia erased my mother’s social filters and her favorite phrases became “Kiss my butt” and profanities that I will not divulge, we told Mom that she had better behave or we were getting the Tabasco sauce. She would flip us a bird. And we would laugh.
Mom always knew what everyone was up to.
Reflections On Life With Mom
In my 20s, I left Florida to make my own way in the world and to figure out how I wanted to live, on my own terms. There were some challenging years as I renegotiated my relationship with my mom. But as I came to understand that Mom’s rules were her way of trying to keep us safe, my compassion, love, and gratitude grew.
Mom at eighteen
Mom was only eighteen when she married our dad. I came along a few years later, followed quickly by my sister. “We planned for you and we were excited to have you,” she often told us.
Mom and Dad married at 18 and 21 and lived happily together for 71 years
Mom with me and my baby sister
Mom was an accomplished and creative cook, seamstress, artist, and hostess. She managed our family’s finances and was responsible for keeping track of all of the details of daily life. She loved to read and had a quick, sharp mind. Whatever our mom turned her attention to, she did well.
When my sister and I were in elementary school, Mom enrolled in college and then became a kindergarten teacher. But she made sure that she was at home every day to greet us after school, where our ritual was to hang around the kitchen table with a snack and chat about our day. She was always interested in us. At 5:30, she repeated the ritual with our dad, this time in the living room with cocktails, carefully measured, no more than two drinks, ever.
My mother was the last person I would ever have expected to be stricken with dementia.
A Long Goodbye
I’ve been saying goodbye to my mom for several years now. Dementia took away both her short term and long term memory, and there was no way to reminisce with her about the past and all that we shared as a family. But she always knew my dad, me, my sister, and Eric. Although my dad died on May 1st, she had no understanding that he was gone. She simply thought that he was in another room.
We are grateful that our mom passed quickly, and that she did not suffer. And we are grateful that she knew us, up until the end. My sister and I are convinced that Mom had a moment of clarity, realized that our dad was gone, and in her strong-willed way, decided, “Enough! I’m outta here.”
Immersed In Memories
Eric and I have been living in my parents’ home in Eastpoint for a year now. Were it not for the pandemic, we would have left last March after clearing out and preparing the house for sale.
Four generations: Clockwise, from center: My great-grandmother, my sister, grandmother, Mom, and me
I do not think of the pandemic as a blessing in disguise. It has been too horrific. But looking back, I’m grateful for these many months of living here, in this home that my parents built, on the beautiful property they so loved. I have had time to grieve and time to celebrate. And I’ve had plenty of time to stroll through the memories of the life that my folks created and shared with us.
Mom
I never had any doubt as to how much we were loved. Thanks, Mom, for always being there, and for showing us just how rich, full, and wonderful life can be. The world is a bit less colorful without you. ♥️
That was the most beautiful tribute to a person I’ve ever read. Your mom was truly one of a kind! You’ll always have her inside your heart, everywhere you go and everything you do. Thanks for sharing your memories!
Your presentation of your mom’s passing was the nicest I have ever seen…
And in my mind we all will see our parents and friends in future years in heaven.
God bless her…
I am so sorry for your loss. She sounds like quite a lady.
What a wonderful mother! You were blessed Laurel.
A beautiful tribute. I love that you can capture and share with such sweet poignancy. Thanks for sharing your Mom with us. We miss you back on this western edge of the continent.
Laurel,
Thanks for sharing such beautiful memories. Your Mom sounds like a person that everyone would love to have as a friend. We’ll keep your family in our prayers. Joe P.S. We’re in Pensacola and heading your way next week.
Thank you for this beautiful tribute. My heart goes out to you during this very tender time. I know that your Mom’s spark lives on in you.
Such a beautiful tribute to an amazing woman Laurel. During this horrific year, you’ve suffered so much loss and my heart goes out to you.
Laurel — Like you said, it sounds like New Year’s Day was the perfect time for your Mom to make her transition. Having said goodbye to both of Tom’s parents last year, we know how tough the last year has been for y’all. But we’re glad that you and Eric could be there with her over the last several months. And we’re happy that she is reunited with your Dad and free of her dementia. Y’all are in our prayers.
This is a wonderful tribute to your mom’s spirit and vivacity. I am so impressed that after getting married at 18 and having several kids, she then attended college and started her own career. What an inspiring pioneer! You were lucky to have two parents who showed you how to live in optimism, gratitude, and joy.
We are heartbroken for you that you lost both your parents in one year, essentially, after not being able to spend time with them because of the pandemic. But we are comforted that they did not suffer and did not have to linger long without each other.
Well said! Thanks for sharing.
Your posts often make me cry. You write really well. I’m sorry for your loss.
We’re sending love and peace your way Laurel. We’ve been doing some genealogy lately and reliving some of the past with our parents and grands that loved and cherished. Your blog was lovely.
Love,
Riley & Karen
It has been so clear with every post over the years, especially this year, what loving, adventurous, interesting people your folks were. Your mom’s legacy shines brightly through you. I like to believe there is a heaven where, as you say, your dad met your mom with her favorite drink, and they are dancing happily. And when there is a quiet lull in the music, they look down on you with such joy and pride. Thank you for sharing your mom and dad with us. I so wish we could’ve met them, but here now, their spirits live in this beautiful place, and most fortunately for us, my dear friend, in you.
Just as you feel lucky to have had her as your mom, she too was lucky to have you as a daughter. What a blessing that you’ve been in their Florida home for these passages. Goodbyes are so hard, especially to those who have known you your whole life.
Such an amazing woman, thank you for sharing her with us.
I’m so sorry. Love.light.peace.
Beautiful beautiful beautiful. Well written and beautifully descriptive as always.
I was reading and thinking you have many of those qualities. Whatever you put your mind to you do well
Cooking, drawing, painting, entertaining etc etc.
You were blessed to have her and we feel the same about your friendship.
What a lovely tribute to your mom, Laurel. She sounds like quite a woman! I love that she and your dad married so young and had a happily-ever-after life. It’s heartbreaking that they both passed away during the pandemic and I hope your memories of them bring you comfort in the coming months. Be well, my friend.
Just lovely….. Your Mom and your tribute…
Ah, Laurel, that’s a beautiful remembrance. I’m glad you had so many good years with your folks. Wishing you and Eric well.
Joanne
Such a rich recollection. Thank you for this pause to remember the treasure of a life well lived and a woman of strength, courage, and love. May her spirit soar!
A beautiful tribute … our deepest condolences on your loss.
Beautiful and heartwrenching at the same time. Hugs to you both.
Laurel,
Your parents are blessed with an amazing, loving, and insightful daughter. Perhaps, we’ll honor them later today if we make it over to Spencer Spit. Truly, a bittersweet time.
Ah Laurel – the closing chapter to quite a story. I LOVE the photo on the top and your emotionally articulate description of being your mama’s daughter. The tabasco update is the best! So many good things to be remembered. It’s always complicated, the mother daughter bond, and always deep. It sounds like you have found a way to hold it dearly.
Hugs to you and Eric.
I read your Saying Goodbye to Mom piece and the world as it is, stopped, as I was lost in your tribute. The costume party photo sucked me right in. Your writing held me. Your story of the loss of years of reminiscing with her as her world shrank to the near and now, and now the loss of her life, is sad and at the same time filled with laugh-out-loud humor. The photo of four generations is a precious moment and Filled with story possibilities. Thank you for sharing some of your “stroll through memories” with us.
Hi Laurel, you really have had an emotional year losing both parents. What a special tribute to your Mom and now they are together. You and Eric face a lot of decisions and
we pray it all works out for you both. Think of you often. Hope the emotional roller coaster stops for awhile. Our very best to you both. Love, Penny
No woman can overstate the blessing of an amazing mother. How lucky you are to have had her to frame and steer. Tabasco sauce and all :-) Funny how many moms “share” so many stored up curses and flipped birds in their last years!
I can easily see you in her face, feel her spirit in your words. Being familiar with the long goodbye I know it’s still hard when there are no more opportunities to hear a word, no one left to send a card to. Holding you in the light and praying you find peace in your lovely and silly memories.
Big daughter-of-special-mothers hugs.
“I have eyes in the back of my head.” My brothers and I heard that a LOT growing up. I think some mothers really do have supernatural powers to know when their kids are screwing up, and they know just how to make sure it doesn’t happen twice (tabasco sauce for you, soap for me.:) )
Your mom was all about the spirit and joy of really living life. The fact she and your dad found each other so young, navigated one-of-a-kind lives together, and spent so many happy years brightening the world around them is remarkable.
As awful as this past year has been, it’s given you the opportunity to truly connect with them, their history, and their impact on your life. I’m glad you’ve had that time, and I hope you’ve found peace in the process.
Hugs.
Laurel, what a lovely tribute to your Mom and the many memories you shared. Life is so short, so full of challenges and particularly the memories associated with family. As time goes on, we reflect with such grace, being in your parents home for this pandemic will be a lovely memory as we move back into travel….and we will!!!!!
Bless you for sharing your thoughts and emotions. Yes, you were blessed but so were your parents as they saw what a wonderful woman you have become. Savor these days and be reminded of the eternity your parents share…..be gentle in the days to come and know you are loved by so many who read your posts….
So sorry for your loss. Losing your last parent is so final and so painful. Sending hugs from Texas.
What a lovely tribute to your mother. May she rest in peace with your father and may you cherish your memories of them both.
Lovely tribute for a lovely woman!
Lovely tribute. Your mother raised a good daughter. God bless her. Our condolences to you both.
Looking at these pictures especially underlines, for me, where you get your spirit, Laurel. I am glad you are in a place where at least you can rest with some natural beauty while you continue to work through your grief.
I think of you often, when working through my collected songs (all the ones printed in “landscape” mode–very appropriate). Next time I sing “Orphan Girl,” it will carry an extra load poignance.
With love,
Gretchen
what incredible good fortune you have had with parents like these!
your post made me tear up. thank you, laurel, for your god given talent for writing with such astute honoring of being alive, seeing the wonder and appreciating absolutely everything …even if its with humor to soften what is difficult.
this tribute is a blessing to us all.
so much love,
laurie
You only posted this a day ago and I’m already so late to the comments. That is such a fantastic opening picture of your mom. I would have been ecstatic to have a mom who ever looked like that. Boy do I wish I’d met her but maybe I have since you really do look like her and I suspect your fiesty spirit and creativity come from her as well. All the pictures are just wonderful Laurel and your beautiful stories of your life with her are a very loving tribute. Perhaps one of the greatest gifts she gave you was the life long love relationship with your father. Few of us grew up in households like that. My heart goes out to you in this loss and that of your father. So much so recently as I too have experienced.
Laurel- Your post about your mom was so moving and inspiring. I think she will live on through you!
Light and Peace to you and Eric as we all move ahead into a hopeful new year.
Love,
Tom and Georgina
Laurel… it has been a long time since I have read any blogs. This one just touched my heart so much. Thank you for sharing your memories of your mother with us. She sounds like a woman after my own heart. I loved reading the stories you shared, and I just adore the photos. I bet she was the life of the party, and of course the queen.
I know how you feel right now. I lost my dad in June. The memories are what keeps them alive in our heart. Cherish the memories and continue to make your mom very proud of you. I know your dad and she are looking down and smiling and bragging about how wonderful their daughters is. 🙏😘
Laurel, you are such a good writer! That is a very touching tribute to your mom. It has been a hard year for all of us but even more so for you losing both parents. Hang in there.
Oh, Laurel! I am so sorry to read about your Mother’s passing. This has been a long chapter in your life and it has unfolded in a way I’m sure you never expected. To spend a year in your parent’s home, to sift through their lives and relive their memories had to bring a measure of joy and comfort. You have written a beautiful tribute to your Mother and I enjoyed reading it. Hugs to you and Eric.
I love this post and I can’t think of a more wonderful tribute to your mother. She sounded like a wonderful woman, a woman who knew herself well, a real hoot (like her daughter!). I’m glad I got to know her a bit through your words. We can see your face in hers in so many of the pictures you chose. Time will soften the sadness. Hugs to you and Eric, till we see you again.
I read this a few times before commenting. Such a beautiful tribute to your mom. Not much I can say that others haven’t already said, but wanted to send you my condolences. I know how hard it is to lose your mom. I lost mine at 7. Might have been easier for me than to lose her after having many years with her. I can’t imagine how much harder it would have been to lose your mom over and over as she succumbed to such an awful disease that took her away much too soon. I loved her potty mouth! My mother-in-law was similar. Would have never said a 4 letter work, but after her stroke she swore like a sailor. Happily she didn’t have dementia, but she laughed a lot at the way those words came to the surface after her stroke. She lived many years after that, until she passed at 93 years old. The lives these lovely women led are filled with such amazing stories. I am glad you told some of these stories about your mom. I am soo soo sorry for your loss. 2020? Ack. At least we can hopefully look forward to something better in the year ahead.
No one appreciates the little ups and downs in your life quite like your mother. A lovely tribute.
Your tribute to your mom is at the top of the best tribute I have ever read. Your eloquence and love of your mom is perfectly displayed. I felt like i know your mom in one beautiful blog post. She lived a good life and I bet your mom and dad are dancing up there.
My heart goes out to you and feel the loss even if we are prepared for their passing. Mothers leave a big hole in our hearts.
Hopefully you and Eric can now easily depart Florida not with a heavy heart but with peace and a chockfull of memories.
Take care and continue to stay healthy.
Laurel this is such a poignant tribute to your mom. I love all the photos of her which really do capture her spirit and give us an idea of what her personality was like. I especially love that first photo and kept going back to look at it, it is so compelling. Also, the one with the car behind and the gorgeous dress she is wearing. On top of everything else she had a clear fashion sense ~ even your last photo where she is wearing bright colors.
I’m so sorry for the loss of your mom and I cannot begin to imagine how hard it must have been to come to terms with her dementia. I know my own mom 84 spends a lot of time on the phone when I talk to her, reminiscing about years gone by. How amazing that your parents had SO much time together!! Of course death is the natural order of things and if we know that our parents have had good years of life, then I think (well at least for me) it does make a huge difference. And the fact that the end was devoid of suffering, a blessing in itself these days.
My thoughts are with you Laurel. Sending you huge love and big hugs from Oaxaca.
xoxo
Peta (&Ben)
Laurel, our belated condolences. What a wonderful celebration of life you have shared here. I love your mom’s sassiness. She obviously knew how to live. You are blessed to have had such a beautiful relationship with her. Some of us are not so fortunate. Maybe it’s time I did a little ‘renegotiating’ with mine.
A beautiful tribute to a force of a woman. I’m so sorry for you loss. Her strength runs through you, and the love too. May she RIP.
Nina